I discover new things about myself on a regular basis. Just when I'm sure that I am really growing and mature, emotionally speaking, my self-awareness brings a new character flaw into view. Anger is one of those things I feel above, but I am not. I was looking through some of my un-published posts, and I have three posts that I nearly finished for the fourth of July, but posted none because they didn't feel right. I am angry about this country and lost freedoms. Americans continue to fight for what they believe from either side of the aisle, left and right actually believe they are right regarding freedom, law, and what is good for this nation. We are divided, a house divided cannot stand.
Then there were other thoughts that began to surface about my view of me. I am not very tolerant about certain issues, many are not life altering, but some are off-the-chart wrong. But wait a minute...I am in recovery, I have worked on myself for quite a long time now, I know I'm right about this stuff! I have the wisdom of years, I have witnessed historically, and consider myself well read on issues facing this nation, families, and experienced personally the right and wrong way to live as an individual. I have biblical understanding! What is wrong with everyone?
My anger stems from a greater problem PRIDE
Thinking that I have enough tome in sobriety, and now have the answers to everything, shows how I am far from fixing myself, rather allowing God to fix me. It takes total surrender, it is humility, and memories of what I had become through prideful living, that I must keep in plain view daily, lest pride returns me to debaucherous thinking, and living.
"The ways of a man are before the eyes of the Lord, and He ponders all his paths. His own iniquities entrap the wicked man, and he is caught in the cords of his sin. He shall die for lack of instruction, and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray." Prov. 6:21-23
I can honestly say that youand I do not have to accept or be tolerant of things that are opposite of what we believe. We can speak against those things, blog about them, and use whatever means to express our beliefs...but not in anger, not in an arrogant condescending manner. I feel that Paul the apostle, Peter and John, disciples of Jesus, expressed themselves fervently, zealously, but in the Spirit-led conviction, not in anger or pride. We should have our personal convictions, call things that are wrong, wrong and right, right. But do this in love and concern. Do not become entrapped by arrogance and go astray from truth because of they way of surrounding generations ideals and methods of expression. Stay focused on your purpose, on praying for leaders and those about us, and for yourself, that God would bring to mind that you are as broken as those you want fixed.
There are friends I know, that have a relative who nightly, year round, goes out into his backyard and lights up his little homemade fireplace, sits down with his Bible, and cooler full of beer, and contemplates the world's problems...and does this alone. He, according to them, hates everyone, all ethnic groups, especially those of other beliefs, and does this using the Bible and booze. The truth he reads becomes twisted by the booze he drinks, and the hatred inside. This can be you and I if we don't see our need to look deep into ourselves, and desiring God to re-arrange our bad thoughts and ideas, conforming us to the image of Christ.
I want to be free as an American, but not as much as I want freedom from self-serving, the self-induced slavery. Politicians can legislate freedoms we enjoy away, but only I can give away the liberty I experience in sober living, and in my journey with Christ, from refusing to see myself in a prideful way, always right about everything. I prefer change, even though it is painful.
Thanks for reading, God bless and keep you all. Keith.