If it weren't for God's Word, and His steadfast love and constant protection, I would not be able to have gone through the past two years without losing my sanity. As I write this post I am in the deepest state of perplexity and frustration I have ever personally encountered. There is only one solution, one door to this heaviness leaving me.
Have you ever came to the place where you seem completely alone? Have you gotten arrived at the doubt that maybe you were wrong about your every move? Or even doubting why you still are allowed to live after all of the crap you pulled? Welcome to my world. The questions above are just three examples of what I am experiencing in my adventures walking with Christ. Every post I make here in these writings, I face.
If I write about getting to meetings, I seem to get slammed with overtime at work. If I write about prayer and applying spiritual principles to recovery, I cannot seem to "think" to pray. I know the sources behind the struggles. There is a real enemy, "old scratch" I prefer to call him. he never stops the badgering of constant guilt. He tries every way to get me to try and control every outcome, everybody, and every decision without looking to God.
I am grateful for everything I just said above. Even grateful that the enemy fights me without relenting. Why? Am I completely nuts? Have I lost sanity already? Nope. I know his nonstop attempts to topple my world proves I have an effect in God's kingdom in my personal recovery from alcoholism and drug use. I am grateful to be an alcoholic.
I am a work in progress, just like you. The difference we make hangs on many things God blesses our lives with as we learn recovery from addictions. Two things weigh heavy; one, our service to God is our serving others. Two, gratitude for everything, good and bad. Praise to God for who He is, is gratitude. Thanking Him for all He has done for us, is gratitude. Praise is all about Him. Thankfulness is all about what He does for you and me. Different meanings, but lauding the same Source.
I cannot list all of the gratitude I have today. I will not even offer the short list, I want to keep my post here short, so maybe it will be read. I'll end this with a passage for us all to think about:
"Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul. 'tberefore I hope in Him!" The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, To the soul who seeks Him. Lam.3:22-25
Thanks for reading. God bless and keep you all! If you think about it, pray for me. Now would be a great time.