My heart goes out to those who have children, a spouse, parents, or close loved ones in the throes of substance abuse and alcoholism. I know that you who do, have tried everything you can think of to help them. The many tears and fearful nights, lying in bed waiting for that "call," sends chills down your spine. It appears that you want them well, but they don't. You may want to look at a different approach.
"If you are going to pray, then don't worry. If you are going to worry, then don't pray." C.S. Lewis
I can't tell you how many have asked me if I would be willing to talk to their loved one with a problem. I am willing. When they do not call me, however, I know that they probably agreed to call me so you would let them be. That is no different than the many times they have told you they would change....but did they?
Ideas that will help.
One major step for you to take is to get help for YOUR addiction. What? Yes, you have a problem. You are co-dependent with your loved ones problem. You are playing hide-and-go-seek. You deny it to the world, HIDING behind a facade of pride, that your spouse, your chilld, or your loved one could possibly have problem....then you SEEK help for them quietly, desperately. What will people think? Don't worry, they don't think. They may be worried about the same thing.
If, God forbid, you get that call in the middle of the night that your loved one has overdosed and in the ER at a local hospital. You will not care what everyone thinks then, so you better not now. 350 people die everyday from heroin o.d. Shout it from the housetop if need be. Come out of your denial, be honest. How you look to people doesn't matter more than their life, does it? Here are a few ideas that may help you:
You can be heroic. (These are suggestions, not legal advice)
1.) If this is your child, when you introduce them to someone say, "This is my son/daughter, who I love dearly, and they are an addict." (no more denial) This will shock your child, and frighten them. They sense you are done playing.
2.) Get the help for your addiction. Go to Celebrate Recovery, or al-anon, and seek help from co-dependency. When you stop enabling them, you may hold the keys to the beggining of their recovery. Many people in these programs can help you, they've been there.
3.) Learn all you can about their addiction. Seek to understand. There is nothing abnormal about your loved one. WE are all fallen, sinful, and habit-ridden.
4.) Most important. Give this to God...then let go of the steering wheel of their life. You have no control, with each suggestion you offer, they will agree to, then ignore. You have to let go...and that is very hard. Follow this advice:
"Give all of your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you." 1 Pet.5:7 NLT
Believe me, once you give this to God, and truly let go, you will experience peace. How will you know if you have truly let go? If you have, you will catch yourself before you advise them, and skip the advise. You will stop helping them get high by not handing them money for gas, food, etc. Let them see you mean busuness. God has control now...and let them know that.
I hope this helps you. Thanks for reading, God bless and keep you all.