Every time I have a weird experience I wonder why and what am I doing to deserve this. As of late, I don't want to write, to pray, to teach, read, exercise, or do anything I know is the right thing. "Okay God, You wanna let me in on this new lesson?" Silence. You can almost hear a snickering when I ask that question. He isn't having a laugh at my expense, He is fixing to fix me again.
If Jesus were setting next to me, talking about my latest spiritual lull, I'm sure He would question me down to wake me up.
"Hey pal, what's eating you?"
"Hey Lord, I dunno, just don't seem to have the gumption to go. I feel kinda blah. I'm okay when I make the decision and make the move out the door. It's the initial inertia I'm lacking lately."
"Come on now...Who's your answer?"
"You are, you're always the answer! But lately, I don't even want to talk to you. I'm sure I can fix this thing if I focus on doing the next right thing. I will go to the Hope House and teach tonight. Then, I will get to an AA meeting, hear others despair, and give them suggestions. When I get off of these midnight turns at work, I will start exercising and walking. Each day I will read an extra chapter of the Word, not just my daily Proverb. That should do it, huh." (Control freak me)
"It has not worked for you in the past, say,what is that you got there?"
What do You mean Jesus?"
"On your back, what is that?" It looks like you are carrying a full load, why?"
"Oh, that. Well that is stuff I need to take care of, people I'm fixing, problems I need to solve, figuring out this stuff is....Oh, I get it. That's the stuff I gave to You. I must have picked it back up to give you a hand."
"You're pretty good at that. So you don't want My help? You like carrying that... you look distorted, disfigured. All righty then, let me know if you need My help. You have it under control, right?"
"Sorry Lord, I get it. I'm trying to control outcomes again. Writing checks on my spiritual account with a zero balance. Here, You can keep the load. Thanks for the reminder, You always are Who the answer is, so I surrender...again."
With that, He smiles at me. As He fades, I look at Him, His eyes are full of compassion, for me. He is saying I Am the Answer, and I Am in you. Then I feel light as a feather, relieved, wondering why I have to be so bull-headed. He asked the right questions to show me the right Answer. Now, if I can focus on that looking into His eyes, I will not return to controlling what He already owns, ME!
There is no way you or I can fix ourselves. The depression, pain, sickness, anger, and strife with others we experience is our attempt to try to carry the weight we surrendered to Him. Let go, let God do what He does, you do what He wants you to do. That is, focus on Him, not the problems.
Thanks for reading, God bless and keep you all.