It is very hard to see my own faults. I think that is another good reason for marriage, your spouse can point out your short comings in some very creative ways. If you give some thought to it, we feel we are right about nearly everything. By the time we reach adulthood, how we eat and dress is determined to be right in our own eyes. When we marry, we think that other has some weird ideas about food, doing laundry, and cleaning, because our mom didn't do it that way. This can be a major reason for arguments early on in marriage. If you're a newlywed...don't compare your beloved to your mom or dad. Getting along with each other is better if we have an open mind about how life is, and how we, and our families way of doing things, may not be perfect.
Working with alcoholics/addicts can be very rewarding, or it can be very sad. Some come into recovery meetings with their jaw set to get well. They see the importance of following directions, getting to as many meetings as possible, working the steps, and returning the favor by helping others get well. They are also aware of their part in their troubled past. They get well in time, and as they continue to do what it takes, stay well. Others look to blame their life's woes on upbringing, being unlucky, bad breaks, or even God. They may stay sober for a time, but their future is bleak. Not admitting you are the one who drank or used, not facing reality that its YOU, will send you back out to the swallow so you can get more of what you have. Keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting. That goes for both examples.
There is one other example that is a real heart breaker. This individual wants more than anything to get well. working the steps and working to stay clean and sober isn't an issue to them, they'll do what it takes, admitting their faults. But their families do not participate and help them in any way. They throw the past in their face on a regular basis. The concern is not the person's recovery, but the concern is making sure they inflict hurt, and drive the sword of remorse deep into the one recovering's heart. This person may stay clean and sober, but there is always a struggle. They seem to be walking a razor-thin line between sobriety and drunkeness. Family members may have went through much grief and sorrow from the individuals past abusive drunkeness, but the answer is not to retaliate. To try and pay them back, is to try and get your sorrow back. If they return to drinking and using, it will be worse than before, the sickness is progressive.
Family members and loved ones want the afflicted one to get better, and they want to have their lives to improve. If the individual has admitted their part, rejoice! that is half the battle, your life is getting ready to improve. If you can't be happy with their sobriety, and admission, at least, don't nag. Try hard to restrain your anger and let the individual work on sobriety. This is crucial. If you can't let it go, or give it a rest, seek counsel. Perhaps your hurts are really deep. Seeking help from a professional may be the ticket for you. Or even another believer that will keep confidence would be good. They may be able to help you see your part...that's right, you may have had a part. If you realize your part, that you somhow may have, and admit that you did, healing will follow.
I don't want anyone to think they are responsible for another's way of living. I do want to say that if we live in a way of "being there if you need me," we can have a part in our loved one's finding their way in life. Once they find purpose, and their life improves, our life will improve. If you want a part, play the good part. And have a part in their recovery by praying for them. God hears and will help.
Thanks for reading