Still in a fog from years of self-abuse and addictions to alcohol
and drugs, a newcomer cannot see hours ahead, let alone planning all of the
daily activities they must eventually return to. They include: finding a job,
looking for a place to live, recovery meetings that are a must, and perhaps
doing for others…this is the hardest to see for them. So many of their friends
and family feel that now that the wayward family member is inrecovery, everything is normal again. Not so. This early part of staying clean and sober is where they need the most help…even more so than when they were actively using.
Here’s where so many quit and get right back in the dung heap
they just escaped from. Someone very close to me has been dealing with this
issue for quite some time. They were the go-to family member, no matter what the
problem in the family was, until an injury, then prescribed medicine, and
suddenly the prescribing MD yanked the medication away, and the result: pain
meds were bought off of the street until they were no longer affordable. Heroin
was cheaper, that’s where my friend found the pain relief and the feeding of the
you for me please!
Of course, the family wanted them clean again to help them with
their problems. Within a few weeks of recovery meetings they asked, “do you have
to go to a meeting again tonight?” That makes me want to cry and laugh
hysterically at the same time. The truth is that the family needs rehab for
their self-centeredness. They don’t do this out of not caring for the one that I
speak of, they want their “fix” administrated by the only family member who can
fix them, they think. Ego-centric.
The addict and the alcoholic have this one thing in common,
finding themselves and their purpose renewed. They both feel meaningless and do for some time after sobering up. Though some snap out of it fairly quick, some
The Big New
The fix isn’t made by a week of recovery, or 28 days in rehab.
Time, listening, and prayer, lots of prayer, that is the direction of finding
yourself. It is better, no matter the situation, that you stay away from family
if necessary to discover yourself again. They will not like this at all. They
will act like little babies, and say they wash their hands of you again. You may
be tempted to cave, and take care of their problem, but it is better if you
allow yourself to heal and bring real help to them in
You can very easily become the go to person for them again, in a
very different way. You can set boundaries that you will take them so far, they
must complete actions to solve their own problems. The flip side of that is that
if you do not set those boundaries, they will never get better. You will be
helping them lifelong, like my friend. You see, to find yourself and your
purpose, may only happen as you allow them to do the same without your
It is a tough decision. You can rediscover yourself and purpose
once clean and sober, but you must realize that recovery has to come first, and
sometimes those that you love can be the biggest hang-up to your recovery. Yeah,
this is true, but the kids have practice, I have to help my spouse out with this
and I really want to see them practice. I admire people that want involvement in
their children’s activities. But if you do not get the help you need, you may
end up where you were before, addicted and hopeless…again.
Thanks for reading, God bless and keep you all.