I admit, I'm no genius. Doing the steps to sober living, I have messed up quite often in my journey. Step Ten of recovery, the place where I try to live, poses some of those questions that make growth possible for the recovering addict, alcoholic, or whatever the addiction.
"Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it." pg. 59 Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
Taking time daily to review conversations, events, and decisions from the day is important, actually vital to the recovering. This is where we grow into a mature individual, developing conduct and thought of an adult. Those are things we abandoned to live self-serving, self-seeking lives, wrapped in addictions. In review of the day, any confrontations or situations that went awry, we look for our part, and ask God's help to avoid similar situations in the future.
"Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends." Prov. 17:9
Knowing we have a part in a problem, even if we were not guilty of starting the episode, we still need to make amends. That is not conventional wisdom. That is godly wisdom from being humbled by humiliation. Pain drives change. To say you're sorry for something you did not cause, or even do, is signs of real growth.
"When people's lives please the Lord, even their enemies are at peace with them." Prov. 16:7
How can that be right? It is right because of your willingness to realize the significance of humility and forgiveness. If these two virtues are omitted, you cannot live in step ten. You are still trying to control outcomes, people, and situations, having rule over your life. Let go, and let God.
"Sensible people control their temper, they earn respect by overlooking wrongs." Prov. 19:11
By not admitting your wrong promptly, you may as well plan on doing the steps again and again until you "get it." That does not mean you have to feel the guilt of your part, or feel anything. The feeling you should get is a feeling of doing right and knowing you please God. Being the bigger person is yielding to the other may make you a "door mat" in the eyes of others. But you are recovering and know to do what people that do not recover refuse to do.
I hope this helps you see step ten from a different perspective. Be open to continual improvement, but true to your recovery. Thanks for reading, God bless and keep you all.